On the outside, you can decide what I am. On the
inside, however, I am only one thing: myself!
You judge me by my
appearance, you compare me to the perfect image that society has created and I
fall short of your expectations. You call me fat. You call me loud. You call me
obnoxious. “Am I perfect? No Kiara, I am not…
Nobody is perfect!”
I think that if
people were to see me for what I am on the inside, they would treat me inversely.
The majority would most likely want to stay away because I will be the first to
admit that I am a straightforward person. On the other hand, I think that my
personality draws people towards me. I am an outgoing person, although I may
appear shy to some people.
I’m a huge surprise to most people. Believe it or not, I do have feelings, I am
not crazy, I have no anger management issues, and I am not a violent person. I
have a wicked sense of humour, I hide behind sarcasm.
Our bodies are our temples. We can break them
down but at the same time we can build them up. Our bodies are the homes that
house our souls that keep our actual beauty safe. If you are beautiful on the
inside that radiates from the outside it doesn’t matter what you look like
because everyone is beautiful in their own way.
I habitually find
myself so desperate for the approval of others, it takes me hours to decide if
my outfit of choice will be accepted and even admired by others. Just as drug addicts live a limited life to
keep getting their fix, so I also limit my own existence to get my own constant
fix of approval. Just like the drug
addict has a price to pay, I too pay a price, the freedom to truly be myself.
don’t realize what is happening in our broken society beauty standards are
overrated, unreachable and unnatural. To me, beauty isn’t even what is on the
outside and it shouldn’t matter to anyone else what you look like. What makes
someone beautiful is who they are on the inside, who their soul really is, the aura
that they radiate and the feeling you have when you are around them.
It may seem strange to say that I have no idea who I am, but I must admit that
it is true. Although I want to experience as much as possible in my life, I am
also terrified of the future because I don’t know what it holds for me. Maybe,
all this contradiction is the reason people are often so surprised by the
things that I say and do. Ironically, though, the character I play in my series
has taught me a lot about myself, like how much I fear loneliness and how badly
I want to be successful in whatever I decide to do with my life.
Maybe one day, if life works out the way I want it to, I will feel secure
enough in myself to let down my guard and once again allow what I consider to
be my ‘boring side’ shine through. If that happens, hopefully, I will look into
my mirror one morning and feel like I know and appreciate the whole person who
is smiling back at me.